Yesterday was one of those days.
It started early and kept banging away at me all day. I tried to turn things in a positive direction by taking the boys for a long walk along the ocean, at the Strand bike path. This is almost always a joy for all of us and I get my exercise in since my husband is deployed and cannot stay with them while I run.
My neighbor invited us to join them at an impromptu birthday picnic at the park at noon, (these are all new friends since we just moved here and I really wanted to attend,) just as we were heading out for our walk. I thought to myself that this would be great but not likely, since Peter would be ready for a nap when we returned. I shared this with her and passed along birthday wishes.
Just as we got out of the village and onto the bike path, Peter began screaming and I realized that he had tossed his pacifier, my crutch when we are out. I sang him some songs and he quieted down. He began talking to himself and I figured we were good to go. Then as we made it out even further, he started screaming. Then Graham started bucking himself back and forth in his seat and I knew we were in for difficult ride. Most of the bikers that passed us shared smiles of sympathy, which are nice and very much appreciated but just not enough to extinguish the fire in a mother’s chest when her kids are uncontrollably acting up.
I was able to calm Graham down and warn him that his behavior was not welcome but Peter was over the top and would not stop. Now, the positive in this is that it forced me to run home with jogger, which I had not felt like doing yesterday since I was in a funk. So I got more intense exercise than I would have. But it really just fueled the beginning of a brush fire day.
As my patience with my kids dwindled, my headache increased and and after receiving some sketchy news, all I wanted to do was crawl into my bed and lick my wounds. This was impossible so I pushed on. I tried to use my skills at centering myself with imagery but turned to a bag of Newman O’s instead. My will was abandoning me and I just couldn’t wait for the kids to go to bed.
Once that became a reality, I was able to relax a bit but the tension and stress of the day were there to stay. I watched a movie, instead of cleaning up the house and downloaded my Changed Your Thoughts, Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao audio CD to my IPOD. My plan was to try the long walk again in the morning but listen to Dr. Wayne Dyer’s soothing voice and words of wisdom this time around. My will is strong and even though yesterday was the kind of day that sort of levels me, I prayed myself to sleep and asked for a simple morning of joy with myself and my kids. Hopefully, my kids will cooperate today, as they usually do.
I did not find my center yesterday but instead found myself spinning somewhere in the fray. I think we all do sometimes. Sometimes all we have is our will and when that fails us, just our faith.
If at first you do not succeed try, try again and know that I am out there trying too…along with many others. We are all one and today I send out a message of strong will and encouragement that if you are struggling with anything, DO NOT give up and for carrot’s sake give it your all. You are worth it: we are worth it.
Be sure to tune in every week during the month of August, as I will be presenting my Summer Cancer Prevention series of articles, including an interview with Charlotte Gerson, daughter and protege of renowned cancer healer Max Gerson, MD!
Love and light,